When it comes to knowing how to have good sex, it can seem like a bit of a mystery. It can seem like some people always encounter it, while others are so nervous that they never seem to relax and really enjoy it. And it’s tough, because it’s not always an obvious fix. Because you can work on your positions, do your kegels, and practice until you’re blue in the face (and sore everywhere else), but a lot of what makes good sex happens way before the sex itself. And I don’t mean foreplay. It’s just that a lot of your habits and your routines can affect your sex life and predict whether or not you’ll be having good sex. And a big part of it? Your attitude.
“I’m a sex therapist, and can assure you it isn’t in your technique but in your attitude,” Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, and psychotherapist specializing in intimacy, sex, and relationships tells Bustle. So your perspective on sex — and towards life generally — is a big indicator. But that manifests in some weird ways. Your attitude toward a lot of different things can actually predict how good you are in bed, according to experts.
Not sure how it works? Here are seven weird factors that predict whether you’ll have good sex:
1. How Much You Talk About Sex With Your Friends
Yeah, obviously a lot of sex is the passion between you and your partner(s), but it makes sex a lot better if you’re open about it — to your friends. “I think talking about sex with your friends can help normalize interests and behaviors and it can also spark your imagination,” Sarah Watson, licensed professional counselor and sex therapist, tells Bustle. “Friends can encourage you to try new things and expand your horizons. In my experience most people aren’t educated on how to talk about sex so starting with your friends in a loving and safe environment can be very helpful!” All this normalizing and sex-positive means fewer inhibitions in the bedroom… and saucy sex.
2. How Much You Make Eye Contact
If you’re constantly staring into each other’s eyes on those early dates, it’s a good sign. Yeah, it might make your waiter uncomfortable, but there’s a link between eye contact and good sex. “A great lover makes you feel as though you’re ‘escaping’ your worries and totally engaged with them. Engagement with eye contact, the way you touch them, and slowing down helps build excitement, making climax easy to achieve,” Rapini tells Bustle.